i'd like to work as a barista at a small cafe
A quick note before we move on to the actual text: The words you see on this page right here are a result of steaming emotions.
The new year is here. Yet, i can't seem to care less about celebratory milestones at the moment. These times have been a pivotal moment in my life, and the stress from the final weeks of 2024 have carried over to the new year seamlessly. So, aside from the fireworks and music from next door's, not much has differed today from the momentum of the typical days.
...Well, except for that emotional breakdown i had. It sustained a bit longer than my usual ones. But the crying has stopped and the snot has receded, and what's left is my warm, swollen eyes, along with a new writing prompt.
I'd like to get a job as a barista at a small cafe. Or at least, i like the idea of being one and would like to try it; i've never been a barista before. I'd prefer it if the job wasn't at a hustling, bustling chain coffee shop. I'd be okay with the coffee stand at the convenience store, though.
Perhaps what has ignited these thoughts were those youtube videos i saw showing the point of view of a barista working through rush hour. They reminded me of some video game i used to enjoy playing.
The technicalities -- operating the espresso machine, memorizing combinations for different menu items, and making latte art -- all seem fun to learn in my eyes. It's like getting your hands on a new computer program, but you exert more physical work.
I assume that having to do these things at a quick pace is more stressful than it looks, especially during busy hours, but it's okay. Life has its stressful moments. This specific kind of stress focused on small daily tasks, to me, is at the perfect scope to stimulate and train my mind while still leaving plenty of room to catch my breath. You're not pressured to come up with the next biggest breakthrough by next week, and i like that.
Though i feel that what allures me the most about this job, is having the opportunity to form impersonal yet meaningful connections with people.
Sometimes, i like to picture moments where me and a customer (who'd stay a little past the closing minute) would connect over a deep, personal conversation WITHOUT having that deeply personal connection where, if we talked about our relation with one other to other people, we'd say something in the lines of "we're friends/cohorts/family/partners". Those are words, i feel, are too heavy for me to carry around casually.
To me, the customer is simply "a customer i had a nice chat with."
To the customer, i am simply "that barista i had a nice talking to."
Perhaps we'd recognize and greet each other on occasion, making some friendly exchanges from time to time, but we wouldn't dig into "let's have dinner at my house" territory.
But i wonder, what's the root behind my desire for a loving distance from other people?
Is it because i hate the idea of letting people trample on my inner garden?
of letting them scribble on the blueprints for my garden's future development?
of having people exit my garden and go on telling others of how pointless, weird, and pretentious the place was?
Or is it because i struggle to love people up close, because it feels more like a task to please someone as to sustain the harmony of our relation?
Whatever the reason is, i still find great warmth in simply being a distant yet comforting figure in others' lives... in simply being "that nice person who makes wonky latte art".
But to remove the personal aspect of my being that is inclined towards personal relationships -- my "personal"-ity -- would mean removing the "person" within me.
It would mean being a hallucination in people's minds.
Albeit a loving, friendly one.
...Well, that's no good. How am i supposed to serve people their cappuccinos if i were a hallucination?
Maybe we could invent some sort of psychic espresso machine and learn to transfer physical coffee beans into a person's mind...