thinking about my faith

28 Dec 2024

The day often commemorated as Christmas has passed. I'd like to write something related to my journey the Christian faith.

***

Years ago, I prayed for my future self. I made a request insisting God to pull me back if i stray away from my relationship with Him...

...no matter what my future self says.

Whether it was a bold move or a simple example of youthful impulse, i cannot tell; it may as well be both.

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Image: A beach.

I had been sitting outside thinking about personal experiences with Christianity. The outdoor air, i think, has been a great boost to my thinking. I think the scenery makes for a great setting for my pondering, especially considering the church in the distance.

Coming inside, I have written down my thoughts into numbered sentences which you can read below:

1

I'd like to worry less when talking about God with other people. Just as much, i'd also like to listen to others' stories without judging, as to realize the image of God within them.

Interception!

> Oh, the room is cold now. A storm came suddenly as i was writing. I got to watch the clouds enshroud the previously blue sky.

> Funny thing is, i *just* came indoors after sitting outside for some time in search of inspiration for this text.

2

I'd like to connect with Christian fellows without feeling this sense of dread towards political arguments and the retelling of misinformation about certain subjects which they read online or heard from friends.

3

♪♫♪ The world is a stage, and we are the actors ♪♫♪. God would be the playwright. The devil, the critic. Does that mean that Jesus would be the self-insert? The projection of the author's heart into the story's canon? Still don't have an allegory for the Holy Spirit, though... the renewed script, perhaps?

4

Maybe it's my fear of unending pain coming into play, but i am still trying to wrap my head around heaven and hell. Do i just suck it up and live with the established view, or is there a piece of information missing from my field of vision? I have an inclination towards thinking the latter, but... (ꞋꞌꞋꞌŏ_ŏ)

5

I've still got a lot to learn ᕦ(ò▽óˇ)ᕤ. Holy Spirit, may your insight shine...

6

I'd like to accept my passing with grace once the time comes.

7

Sometimes I wonder if this really is, in the end, just a coping mechanism grounded by tradition. I'll admit my naivety and my innate desire to believe. I believe the human nature is inherently naïve, and all people are just trying to meet their perceived needs the best they think they can.

8

Essentially, what i've learned from treading this path so far is that it's best for me to live life doing my best and leaving the rest to God. (in slangy terms, "let him cook".)

It's like Jesus, who, being a human, expressed distress knowing his fate (Matt. 26:36-39), but still did his best by facing his destination head on.

9

In regard to the stream of unanswered questions, i trust that God will reveal the connection in the end, that the ultimate conclusion shall shine light on the world's confusion. Hopefully it will.

***

closing remarks

Like how it is with the ebbs and flows of the waves, the Pacific Ocean persists beyond the shoreline. It will sit there, even as I depart from the beach.

Pacific... pacified... stagnant. I once read in a blog post about how the word for Pacific Ocean in Russian means "quiet ocean."

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