a personal love letter from me, to lazy-butt
Here is a visualization to help set the tone as you read:
I'm planting my hands against your temples, pulling myself towards you until our foreheads meet, my wrinkle lines pressing against yours, with my eyes bulging, prepared to pour out every one of my thoughts through them. You know what they say: "eyes are the windows to the soul."
The words you constantly tell yourself: "How am i so consistently inconsistent", "Forever procrastinator", "I need to work hard! why don't i work hard!?", "I'm just desperately trying to find worth in myself by flaunting my smallest achievements", "Why can't i speak up for myself!?"...
Oh, shut your yak! I hate hearing them!
I acknowledge that you believe you don't work hard enough, you believe you're too sentimental to make the best of life's opportunities, you believe you're slow and inconsistent, that you have an especially difficult time trying to explain yourself (and your intentions) to others.
Yes, it is draining to have these convictions crowd your mind. So draining, in fact, that you desire nothing at that moment but to melt into your desk or mattress. Rest your head as needed.
I want you to know, however, that i do not care about these metrics you use to assess yourself, which gobble away on your confidence about your life's course of action. I do not care if you really are "too scatterbrained" and "too moody" for your own good. I do not care if you really did "screw up" on that particular week of the month. I do not care if you really have passed through a thousand missed opportunities.
What i do care about is how you contextualize this chunk of entropy which you call your life, as the image of it in your mind will affect how you approach it.
I want you to know, absorb, and safekeep these words in every thread of your spinal cord, so that it will be implanted into every movement you make:
God has written, and is writing.
The story of your life and the superintending narrative will be laid out. Trust, and you'll see the story's beauty.
Remember Apostle Paul? Augustine of Hippo? Dieter? Elijah? Joseph? Okay, maybe not the most fleshed out list of examples; these are the only ones that come to mind at the present moment.
I remind you of these people not for self-comparison (screw that fruitless nonsense), but instead to show you examples of the Author's work in action. I show them to you because i want to comfort you of your loneliness; i know you feel alone in your state of mind and in your situation, despite the fact that your mind doesn't register it consciously.
I want to comfort you. I want to help unclog your stream of consciousness. I want you to live a life of love.
That is my intention behind this letter; can you see it in my eyes?
Is this what they call "self-love"? No matter, i've said what i've been wanting to say.